On 12 September, Kyiv hosted the presentation of the book ‘Living Against All Odds: Women’s Stories of War, 2014 and 2022’, where 11 authors of different ages and occupations told about their own tragic experience related to the war.

Their stories cover the events that happened from 2014 to 2022. There are stories of captivity, occupation, and personal losses, i.e. those of relatives, property, and health. Several of the project’s participants told of egregious cases of war-related sexual and gender-based violence. But each story demonstrates how much strength and resilience the authors have, and the inspiration to help others.

Human rights defenders from the “Eastern Ukrainian Center for Civic Initiative” invited the three authors of the book to a meeting with civil society activists and journalists. Stalina CHUBENKO, mother of 16-year-old Stepan, who was tortured to death by militants in 2014, read an excerpt from her text, in which she reflected on what is hidden behind the common expression “a strong woman”. And why sometimes this definition is not a real support.

“...And there was this phrase again: ‘You are a strong woman. I wouldn’t be able to do it.’ People sometimes say strange things to be supportive. How could I do what? Not lose my mind, not end my life, not get drunk, but live on, do everything to prolong my son’s life and not hurt those who are close to me and who care about Stepan?

What’s it like? To hear that your son was shot and you are still alive. What’s it like? When someone tells you on the phone how your child was tortured, and you continue to live. What’s it like? When you are present at the exhumation of your son’s body, see what was done to him, and you don’t lose consciousness. Where do I get the strength to live?..”

Stalina explained why it is important for her to tell her story publicly. Not only to preserve the memory of her son, but also to show thousands of mothers who are currently going through different stages of grief that they are not alone. And to show her path, which is full of love and support.

“I recommend you to better read these stories in small parts, not the whole book at once,” Stalina advises. “Because each of them is worth living through, realising, and feeling. And preserving something important in your memory.”

Maryna SUPRUN is the youngest author of this book. The girl was born and raised in Yahidne, Chernihiv oblast, where the Russian military held almost all the villagers in the basement for more than 30 days in the spring of 2022. Maryna, who was a schoolgirl at that time, was among them.

“I am only 18 years old and I have already co-authored a book. And not some fiction book where someone came up with the plots, but a book about the actual and important things, about what is happening to us in such a difficult time and what will be remembered long time afterwards,” Maryna said at the presentation. “Of course, I’ve only just begun to recover from the experience of captivity, but I can still react to sounds, smells or circumstances that remind me of those days. For example, I still dream that we are being taken to the basement, and when I feel stuffy air somewhere, it’s as if I’m back in that prison again.”

Maryna believes that speaking through such traumatic events helps her. Perhaps it will also help those who have gone through similar experiences but are hesitant to talk about them. 

“My main message is not to be afraid. Not to be afraid to speak or to live. Because no matter what, life goes on!” says Maryna, who is now a student at a Kyiv university.

“We highlighted such positive aspects as much as possible in the book. Our book ends with a psychologist’s advice on recovery. You can also see some authors’ quotes about what supported them. And, of course, to find these “‘keys” in their stories,” says Nadiia Nesterenko, a representative of the NGO “Eastern Ukrainian Center for Civic Initiative”. “We hope that this will help Ukrainians find points of support that will help them survive a similar or different experience of war.”

Tamara SHEVCHUK, who suffered a severe personal loss during the Revolution of Dignity and found herself under occupation in the Kyiv oblast in 2022, told her story. The artist, who strives not so much to observe life as to change it, spoke about the different stages of her development: from teenage protest against Russification in everyday life to a conscious decision to actively resist through civic activism.

“When someone says ‘civilians’, it seems that not everyone is defending themselves any more. Some people just want to stay away and hope that the missile will miss them, while others are waiting. But this does not happen during a war. The more people stand apart, the closer the ‘meat grinder’ of war is approaching them,” Tamara read an excerpt from her story. “Most of today’s soldiers came to the army from civilian professions. And even if they are professional soldiers defending us and our land, aren’t they civilians? Once again: we are not the ones who attacked. We are defending ourselves. And when we say “we are civilians”, we automatically allow the military to be recognised as non-peaceful and non-civilians, and automatically dissociate ourselves from them...”

The discussion also touched upon the story of women from the SEMA Ukraine organisation, which brought together survivors of Russian captivity and gender-based violence.

“Speaking of sexually based violence, we now see women’s bodies as a battlefield. We see how they fight brutally even against women,” says Slava Svitova, a writer who provided writing classes to the project participants. “I am happy to help women find their voice. I in no way teach them to write, because it is impossible to teach someone to write. I believe that each of us has a voice, and when we get into an environment that is close and safe, a miracle happens, and you find the words to describe everything you have lived.”

The book is available for free download on the EUCCI website. https://totalaction.org.ua/books/48

The event was supported by the Partnership for a Strong Ukraine Foundation, which is funded by the governments of the United Kingdom, Estonia, Canada, the Netherlands, the United States of America, Finland, Switzerland, and Sweden.